9-1-1 calls!

[Boudicca]

Dispatcher:9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller:I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller:No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher:9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher:Excuse me?
Caller:I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher:Was anything else taken?
Caller:No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it


Dispatcher:9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Hi, is this the Police?
Dispatcher: This is 9-1-1. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.


Dispatcher:9-1-1 Fire or emergency?
Caller:Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher:How can I help you sir?
Caller:I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and... well.. do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!


Dispatcher:9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller:I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher:This is nine eleven.
Caller:I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher:Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.



Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller:No, you idiot! This is her husband!


And the winner is..........

Dispatcher:9-1-1
Caller:Yah,I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: sir, where are you calling from?
Caller:I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Darn......
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller:No
Dispatcher:What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller:Running from the Police.

 

[Dave K]

OMG all good ones.. but the last one takes the cake :

 

[Kate Wilson]

This 2 is really stupid :rofl:

 

[imeazunxivsihuetd]

lol too god :