BEST ADVICE IN A LONG TIME

[elevated - cali lovin]

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating a regular exercise
program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
you?


Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans .. another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel good food around!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.

Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie!

If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.