Poll Funding the addiction

[ObiWanPotato]

for those of us married guys that need to hide your extra curricular spending...any hints to share on coming up with the cash?

Years ago I set up my life with shared accounts and credit cards..the wife didnt have a pay cheque while she was home with the kids and she managed the house including the bills. It didnt matter to me; if i wanted a beer, I bought a beer, if I wanted to go out for lunch/golf or whatever; i did it....No issues


Now that I am in the hobby, its different, she still manages the account that my pay get deposited into...I feel its a little suspect to just to remove her from the account or just start needing cash in a cashless society all of a sudden.
so when my benefits run out, i need to use my imagination find more $$$$
I squirrel away money here and there until it adds up and I spend a little money on sports betting counting on wins to pay for the hobby

For the guys in my situation....what do you do to 1)make cash? or 2) hide your spend?

 

[Old Fart]

Cannot help with "hiding" funds because I am not a cheater so never had to deal with that. However, where I can help is to suggest rather than waste resources and energy on cheating on the wife and hiding money from the "relationship", maybe work on the relationship so no need to cheat or hide funds from wife/family.

Addiction is your choice of words so if you do feel it is an addiction, professional help would be a better way to seek help rathter than ask for ways to become better at cheating.

I know that is not the answer you were hoping for because right now your "addiction" is looking for ways to feed itself but this is the best advice. Or, alternatively, get a divorce and then you are not a cheater and do not have to waste energy trying to find ways to hide funds.

 

[Summerbob]

Ahhhh the advantages of being single

 

[turts]

Good post. I’m in the same boat and it is getting harder in the cashless society.

We have had some renters who paid cash so that helped but now they are gone. I still keep cash on hand to pay the gardener so it’s not too weird I make cash withdrawals…but I’m pretty careful not to draw suspicion.

 

[Rubmegood]

From the reports of many on this board it sounds like they have virtually limitless resources without any kind of outside regulation (i.e. wife)
But I'm in the same 'boat' as you, Obiwan, I have to skrimp and save up cash wherever I can outside of the household budget. Ours is not a liberal partnership like Bigbill seems to have, so I keep my hobby quiet from my wife. As far as she knows, if a therapist issues receipts for their services, they are legit and nothing else is happening.

Our budget (and I do mean budget as my wife is/was an accountant) includes an allowance for each of us to spend on personal things like haircuts, snacks, tips, incidental purchases or possibly a meal. I also used to operate a small home-based business where I would get the occasional tip or 'bonus', if you will, from satisfied customers. But all I need to save up is the cost of tips or anything over one massage per month. The odd time I have sold things on Kijiji or FB marketplace for cash and turned over only half of the cash to the household budget.

But other than that, Obiwan, maybe go out and collect bottles from garbage cans or sell a kidney, lol!

 

[turts]

I have an idea!

“Break” something in the house! Oh dear the faucet is leaking! Plumber is charging $1200! Wth. I got a guy to come fix it for half that in cash!! Then fix it yourself…

 

[ObiWanPotato]

Cannot help with "hiding" funds because I am not a cheater so never had to deal with that. However, where I can help is to suggest rather than waste resources and energy on cheating on the wife and hiding money from the "relationship", maybe work on the relationship so no need to cheat or hide funds from wife/family.

Addiction is your choice of words so if you do feel it is an addiction, professional help would be a better way to seek help rathter than ask for ways to become better at cheating.

I know that is not the answer you were hoping for because right now your "addiction" is looking for ways to feed itself but this is the best advice. Or, alternatively, get a divorce and then you are not a cheater and do not have to waste energy trying to find ways to hide funds.

Thanks Old Fart...I think you just cured me. I owe you a great debt

 

[OC64]

for those of us married guys that need to hide your extra curricular spending...any hints to share on coming up with the cash?

Years ago I set up my life with shared accounts and credit cards..the wife didnt have a pay cheque while she was home with the kids and she managed the house including the bills. It didnt matter to me; if i wanted a beer, I bought a beer, if I wanted to go out for lunch/golf or whatever; i did it....No issues


Now that I am in the hobby, its different, she still manages the account that my pay get deposited into...I feel its a little suspect to just to remove her from the account or just start needing cash in a cashless society all of a sudden.
so when my benefits run out, i need to use my imagination find more $$$$
I squirrel away money here and there until it adds up and I spend a little money on sports betting counting on wins to pay for the hobby

For the guys in my situation....what do you do to 1)make cash? or 2) hide your spend?

I get a small portion of each pay deposited into an individual account

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[Old Fart]

LOL. I doubt I cured you as this is an issue that usually requires counselling.
I wouldn't even try. You are your wife's problem, not mine. I just feel sorry for her and others with cheaters for husbands. Hope they all get caught. That would be so funny.

 

[Albertaman]

Over the years, I've posted some ideas on this hobby. One idea is to take a break from time to time. The other idea is that the hobby spend should only occur after all of ones financial obligations including long term investing is taken care of. Especially important for the young guys. And if you think it's an addiction then it is an addiction, especially if other aspects of life are being neglected. No masseuse or spa owner is going to look after you in the future.

And by the way, any investing platform includes non registered cash accounts. No reason why some of the gains from long term investing in stocks cannot be kept in accounts to reward oneself. Travel, massages etc etc. Life is short, so everything cannot be for the fat off future. Covid times was a good reminder.


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[Rubmegood]

Alberta man, either you're not married; your wife is OK with what you spend on your "hobby"; or you totally missed the point of the question.

 

[Biggest Hits]

I have an idea!

“Break” something in the house! Oh dear the faucet is leaking! Plumber is charging $1200! Wth. I got a guy to come fix it for half that in cash!! Then fix it yourself…

Good idea! Man.

 

[Wills_willie]

for those of us married guys that need to hide your extra curricular spending...any hints to share on coming up with the cash?

Years ago I set up my life with shared accounts and credit cards..the wife didnt have a pay cheque while she was home with the kids and she managed the house including the bills. It didnt matter to me; if i wanted a beer, I bought a beer, if I wanted to go out for lunch/golf or whatever; i did it....No issues


Now that I am in the hobby, its different, she still manages the account that my pay get deposited into...I feel its a little suspect to just to remove her from the account or just start needing cash in a cashless society all of a sudden.
so when my benefits run out, i need to use my imagination find more $$$$
I squirrel away money here and there until it adds up and I spend a little money on sports betting counting on wins to pay for the hobby

For the guys in my situation....what do you do to 1)make cash? or 2) hide your spend?

So, Sobeys, and maybe a few other grocer's or retailers, offers a cash option when you check out with your interact card. Say yes and the rest is for you to figure out. How close does your wife inspect the receipt.

 

[paulvr]

Lol.... A few years back I watched an episode of "Til Debt do us Part". The husband was mysteriously spending 800-1000 in cash a month. I distinctly remember looking at the husband and wife and thinking "I know where the money is going"... lol....

 

[Albertaman]

Seriously guys, if it is all so stressful, just take a break. Long breaks from this hobby are a good thing. Especially if you guys think you are addicted.

Prior to covid, I was mostly into massages. Deep massages. And extra curricular activities were indulged in only if there was a genuine YMMV connection. But the menu driven stuff with pre-set prices did not interest me. Covid period I became more focused on one therapist where we spent much more time together. So more funds were disbursed. But post covid, other life interests have become more important again.
The massage hobby should be a hobby. Not a compulsion. GLTA


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[Thickandsweet]

I get a small portion of each pay deposited into an individual account

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This is actually a good idea. Most, albeit not all, payroll systems allow for payroll deposits to be split between two accounts. Some people do this for their vacation pay (if hourly), or even rainy day fund.

 

[JacobB]

You need a hobby that "pays for itself" or where you collect things. That way you can explain away cash. "Oh honey I used the $150 to buy (Insert item)" when you really paid $30. The only problem is that someday this might backfire when she goes to sell your stuff what what you told her what it's worth.

 

[Albertaman]

Imho, most of the posts are about how to channel some funds out of the view of a significant other. The assumption is that there are plenty of funds, aka cash flow. I think younger guys need to focus on channelling 10, 15, 20 percent of their income into investments such as stocks of serious companies (not the hyped junk). In 15 years there will be plenty of funds for playtime. Skip the get rich quick nonsense approach. Avoid wasting unnecessary funds in this hobby until you already have plenty.




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[Rubmegood]

You still don't get it, Albertaman! You're obviously not married, or if you are you're one of those couples who have "My money in my account." and "Your money in your account." and "Our money in our account." and never the thrain(?) shall meet. Some of us are old fashioned where it's all "Our money". There's no "channeling" away 10 percent into some investment that will fund an unexplained "hobby".

 

[Bullet]

You still don't get it, Albertaman! You're obviously not married, or if you are you're one of those couples who have "My money in my account." and "Your money in your account." and "Our money in our account." and never the thrain(?) shall meet. Some of us are old fashioned where it's all "Our money". There's no "channeling" away 10 percent into some investment that will fund an unexplained "hobby".

If your are Married or Common Law. Legally there is NO "

My money in my account." and "Your money in your account. It is all OURS 50/50

So if you have a private secret account its half his or hers