How to install a wireless security system
1) Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair.
2) Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.
3) Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dish.
4) Leave a note on your front door that says something like:
"Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammo - back in 15 minutes. Do Not disturb the Pitbulls, they've just been wormed and are mad as heck."
Signed, Billy Bob.