Just Another Damn TOFTT

[jrd_t]

Angelina @ High Park Massage
1550 Bloor West, TO

(couple weeks delayed in getting this out to the membership,,,,but better late than never)

Me and the Lil’Head have been out of the MP circuit for the past century; thus, it was high time to jaunt about the local “Tug-A-Rubs” in search for any notables of notoriety. Our excursion proved difficult to find anything outside Asian or EE joints. Now, the lad is not one for the Asian equation and I prefer to avoid EE skirt at all costs,,,,especially a TOFTT EE. One to many bad experiences with their propensity for chilly attitudes, substandard service, indifferent and frosty natures --- to drop a few descriptives. Much to my pleasant budgetary surprise, caught a couple of MP ads offering discounted door fees. Being the Dollar $tore $crooge type,,,, decided to focus my efforts on these presumably “No Frills” establishments. Narrowed my selection to “High Park Massage” and “952 Eglinton Spa”. Did the pre-requisite board search and found some questionable info re: 952 Eg and one positive; albeit, abbreviated review on HPM. Opted for the latter. Performed the TinEye search on their ad photos,,,,,only to find plagiarized matches,,,,,except for one – Angelina. Called for an appointment and almost hung up when a mature EE sounding lady answered. No thanks to Lil’Head’s throbbing impatience,,,, followed through in spite of the some tingling spidey senses.

http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/ers/1478910715.html

Stepped off Bloor and crossed their threshold only to be confronted with an ominous staircase between me and “heaven”. Why, hell,,, the stairwell in the CN Tower pales in comparison to this sucker! Undaunted the lad and I huffed ‘n puffed our way to the summit. Fearfully clung for dear life to the doorbell in case I fell backwards into that street level purgatory abyss. Was about to lose my sweaty grip when the door popped open and a blonde,,,, phone in hand,,, snagged my wrist and wrenched me into the foyer. PPHhewww!! After re-attaching my arm to its socket,,,,thanked her profusely for saving my sorry behind as she continued to yammer into the teley. Was offered a shower, which I gratefully accepted and bee-lined it to the bathroom for a lavatory luvin’ scrubbin’ of the naughty bits. Hopped out feeling real GQ and tiptoed my way back to the “Man Cave”. A soft knock later at the door and in steps the main dish,,,,a surprisingly delectable sight attired in bling-bling and the latest scarlet harlot fashion. Inner voice chimes in with a wolf whistle. Exchanged the usual pleasantries, monetary arrangements and mounted the table. Her massage skills were above average,,,even worked out a couple of ornery kinks in me weary bones. Minutes later we switch-er-roo’d and with devilish finesse lavished my lady slayer massage touches to this lovely. Grieves me to admit,,,,but unbeknownst to all,,,,the wheels were ‘bout to fall off,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.

As my hands made their way to her breasts she would redirect my digits downward. Attempts to LFK her luscious lips were met with the dreaded head turn. Further efforts at booby massage and she would cover her mounds with her hands. Southbound efforts were just as futile. Any hint of me naughty fingers past the navel and she pursed her legs together tighter than a bulls butt at fly time. Nothing was going in. Not a hand, not a finger, not even the jaws-of-life were about to get them gams apart. Cussed Lil’Head for not packing a pry bar in the emergency hobby kit. After ten minutes of this sadness Lil’Head had dozed off from the boredom of it all.

DISAPPOINTMENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man I hate it when girls “clam” like that! One of my MAJOR pet peeves. With the nether region firmly Fort Knox-ified and a torrent of muttered expletives building inside I said FORK IT!!! and packed up the saddle. AARRRRGGGGHHH!!!

AND I SHAVE MY BALLS FOR THIS???!!!


Gentlemen……….By the Numbers:

Face: 8.5
Has that “MILF-Next-Door” good looks about her. Very attractive face with fine features. Short, bone straight auburn-tinted hair cropped at the earlobes and crystal green eyes one could easily get lost in. And,,,,,, for the Ginger lovers out there,,,,,sad to report,,,,the carpet did not match the drapes.


Body: 8
Normally would assign a ‘9’ here,,,,but deducted a point due to false advertising; ie, a set of silicon imposters behind her blouse,,,,but I digress.

Surmising 125ish lbs, 35-37 yrs young measuring a healthy 5’5’ sans heels with a lightly tanned complexion and a collection of freckles peppered across her back. I dare venture she was Barbie Doll material some ten years prior. And gawd luv’ er,,,,a complete absence of piercings, tattooes or other fad type blemishes from head to toe noted. A refreshing find these days imho. Sadly, with her obtrusive habit of hiding the “girls” I’m guesstimating a pair of “C” cup puppies courtesy of the boys over at Nip ‘n Tuck lurked beneath her hands. Lastly, for the butt men in our audience today,,,,,she sported a shapely pair of granite cheeks out back that most 20somethings would kill for.


Personality: 8.5
The lady was friendly, accommodating, cordial to say the least. Gracious and easy to talk with unlike previous MPA EE’s I had the misfortune of encountering. Carried herself with an air of sophistication and intelligence,,,,,a classy chick without that nuisance “business” nature some girls are keen on relaying. A prim and proper tart if you will. The type you would luv to take home to mother,,,,,then hike her skirt and phuck her senseless in the back bedroom late at night. ‘Cept ma may have a few choice words on the matter.


Session (GFE/PSE Fun Factor): 2
Sadly, this is where the girl tanks. No introductory peck on the cheek did I warrant coming or going. A less than stellar session at half time. Started out well enough but due to serious leg lock this put an absolute damper on expectations. Playtime was cluttered with her overtly restrictive actions,,,,, and her “wife’y” complaints seriously deflated the moment,,,,not to mention Lil’Head. Later trudged out the door with that mushrooming hairball in the pit of my stomach over the monetary distress,,,,you know the feeling.


Facilities: 7
Conveniently located around the corner from a subway stop. 2nd floor abode over a store off a very, very busy street with plenty of gawkers lurking about. If you are the shy type,,,,expect an audience or abort the mission. For the rest of us swinging dicks,,, the next obstacle to overcome is the dreaded staircase. My advice: DO NOT under ANY circumstances negotiate this structure with a blood alcohol level exceeding .00001. And for gawd’s sake watch that first step when exiting. One misplaced foot and your next ill-spent rendezvous is with a body cast in the intensive care unit at Toronto General. However, once safely tucked inside upstairs,,,, the “Man Cave” is relatively spacious, clean with adequate romping space for those who like to chase their MPA around the table. The bath facilities are tiny, tired and claustrophobic. Barely enough room to lower your zipper let alone room for two; ie, yourself and a Lil’Head. Nevertheless; all fixtures sparkle like a new penny.


Losses:
Door fee: $25.00 + NR: $60.00 + Tip: $0.00 + TTC Tokens: $4.50 = $89.50. A welcomed and competitively priced door fee but given my “shut-out” frustration with the Reverse,,,, and delay on the subway; the latter two were WAY OVER PRICED!!! HHmmppff!


Repeat:
None forthcoming in this lifetime or the next.


Closing Arguments:
To recap:
1) lips --------------------------------------- OFF LIMITS!

2) nipples --------------------------------- NO NIPPLE SUCTIONING THESE SUCCULENT SUCKLETS,,,DON’T EVEN BREATH ON THOSE BUDS IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!!

3) breasts --------------------------------- NO FONDLING, NO GROPING. SALIVATING PERMITTED FROM A DISTANCE OF 20 PACES

4) the girly unmentionables -------------- EASIER TO BREAK INTO THE DON JAIL THEN CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THESE DELICACIES!!!

Not a butt man myself, so what else is left? Well,,,,,if you have a fetish for massaging elbows and kneecaps, she’s your girl.

Admittedly,,,,,,another wretched TOFTT plane wreck unfolded……GGGGRRRRRRRRR!!!! In essence, a “Yawn” session with a lady offering pleasantries on the surface but no real substance beneath; ie, intensity, chemistry, lust, etc. I’m an endorphin junkie who needs that injection of “sensual excess”. It just did not happen. Gotta have my gfe/pse flavour fix or Lil’Head gets real grumpy next morning. Anyone care to toss out suggestions on proven passionate type MPAs ?

To be polite about this ---- Nice enough chick but do not spend the $$$ for a NR. Do not recommend anything above topless on this one. Hmmmm,,,,lets do one better,,,get yourself a bucket of chicken, a brewski, a porno and stay in. Buy a lottery ticket with the leftover cash. You will have better odds.


Gentlemen, it’s the kid’s inheritance. Be careful out there!

Good day and good farmin’

 

[God eats babies]

Enjoyable review.

Terrible though you make it seem, at least you had a little nudity to enjoy. This past week end I went to a spa I have frequented, met with an attractive Asian lady.

Massage... as time nears the end, I suggest I turn over. She covers the little guy with a towel, I take it off. She asks where I would like to continue the massage. I show her.

She asks how much I am willing to pay. I state that the usual increments are $20 topless, $40 nude. She asks for $50, JUST for the release. After I catch my breath, I ask two or three more times to make sure there is no misunderstanding.

Yes, she says, $50 for release, no topless or nude. She even says she is selective to whom she gives this pleasure, says that one guy offered $80 for a release and she declined him.

Needless to say, I declined her offer, got dressed and went to another spa to get the ending I desired.

 

[Joana]

i guess ymmv
I had a great session with her there was a some limitations but it is a massage I had a very nice time

 

[Alisha M]

Possibly the wrong time of month for crackerjack? Maybe sensitive on top, and out of bounds below?

Or maybe just inaccessible to most?

 

[gaBed]

NOT A FINGER!

 

[wagamama]

Angelina @ High Park Massage
1550 Bloor West, TO

(couple weeks delayed in getting this out to the membership,,,,but better late than never)

Me and the Lil’Head have been out of the MP circuit for the past century; thus, it was high time to jaunt about the local “Tug-A-Rubs” in search for any notables of notoriety. Our excursion proved difficult to find anything outside Asian or EE joints. Now, the lad is not one for the Asian equation and I prefer to avoid EE skirt at all costs,,,,especially a TOFTT EE. One to many bad experiences with their propensity for chilly attitudes, substandard service, indifferent and frosty natures --- to drop a few descriptives. Much to my pleasant budgetary surprise, caught a couple of MP ads offering discounted door fees. Being the Dollar $tore $crooge type,,,, decided to focus my efforts on these presumably “No Frills” establishments. Narrowed my selection to “High Park Massage” and “952 Eglinton Spa”. Did the pre-requisite board search and found some questionable info re: 952 Eg and one positive; albeit, abbreviated review on HPM. Opted for the latter. Performed the TinEye search on their ad photos,,,,,only to find plagiarized matches,,,,,except for one – Angelina. Called for an appointment and almost hung up when a mature EE sounding lady answered. No thanks to Lil’Head’s throbbing impatience,,,, followed through in spite of the some tingling spidey senses.

http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/ers/1478910715.html

Stepped off Bloor and crossed their threshold only to be confronted with an ominous staircase between me and “heaven”. Why, hell,,, the stairwell in the CN Tower pales in comparison to this sucker! Undaunted the lad and I huffed ‘n puffed our way to the summit. Fearfully clung for dear life to the doorbell in case I fell backwards into that street level purgatory abyss. Was about to lose my sweaty grip when the door popped open and a blonde,,,, phone in hand,,, snagged my wrist and wrenched me into the foyer. PPHhewww!! After re-attaching my arm to its socket,,,,thanked her profusely for saving my sorry behind as she continued to yammer into the teley. Was offered a shower, which I gratefully accepted and bee-lined it to the bathroom for a lavatory luvin’ scrubbin’ of the naughty bits. Hopped out feeling real GQ and tiptoed my way back to the “Man Cave”. A soft knock later at the door and in steps the main dish,,,,a surprisingly delectable sight attired in bling-bling and the latest scarlet harlot fashion. Inner voice chimes in with a wolf whistle. Exchanged the usual pleasantries, monetary arrangements and mounted the table. Her massage skills were above average,,,even worked out a couple of ornery kinks in me weary bones. Minutes later we switch-er-roo’d and with devilish finesse lavished my lady slayer massage touches to this lovely. Grieves me to admit,,,,but unbeknownst to all,,,,the wheels were ‘bout to fall off,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.

As my hands made their way to her breasts she would redirect my digits downward. Attempts to LFK her luscious lips were met with the dreaded head turn. Further efforts at booby massage and she would cover her mounds with her hands. Southbound efforts were just as futile. Any hint of me naughty fingers past the navel and she pursed her legs together tighter than a bulls butt at fly time. Nothing was going in. Not a hand, not a finger, not even the jaws-of-life were about to get them gams apart. Cussed Lil’Head for not packing a pry bar in the emergency hobby kit. After ten minutes of this sadness Lil’Head had dozed off from the boredom of it all.

DISAPPOINTMENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man I hate it when girls “clam” like that! One of my MAJOR pet peeves. With the nether region firmly Fort Knox-ified and a torrent of muttered expletives building inside I said FORK IT!!! and packed up the saddle. AARRRRGGGGHHH!!!

AND I SHAVE MY BALLS FOR THIS???!!!


Gentlemen……….By the Numbers:

Face: 8.5
Has that “MILF-Next-Door” good looks about her. Very attractive face with fine features. Short, bone straight auburn-tinted hair cropped at the earlobes and crystal green eyes one could easily get lost in. And,,,,,, for the Ginger lovers out there,,,,,sad to report,,,,the carpet did not match the drapes.


Body: 8
Normally would assign a ‘9’ here,,,,but deducted a point due to false advertising; ie, a set of silicon imposters behind her blouse,,,,but I digress.

Surmising 125ish lbs, 35-37 yrs young measuring a healthy 5’5’ sans heels with a lightly tanned complexion and a collection of freckles peppered across her back. I dare venture she was Barbie Doll material some ten years prior. And gawd luv’ er,,,,a complete absence of piercings, tattooes or other fad type blemishes from head to toe noted. A refreshing find these days imho. Sadly, with her obtrusive habit of hiding the “girls” I’m guesstimating a pair of “C” cup puppies courtesy of the boys over at Nip ‘n Tuck lurked beneath her hands. Lastly, for the butt men in our audience today,,,,,she sported a shapely pair of granite cheeks out back that most 20somethings would kill for.


Personality: 8.5
The lady was friendly, accommodating, cordial to say the least. Gracious and easy to talk with unlike previous MPA EE’s I had the misfortune of encountering. Carried herself with an air of sophistication and intelligence,,,,,a classy chick without that nuisance “business” nature some girls are keen on relaying. A prim and proper tart if you will. The type you would luv to take home to mother,,,,,then hike her skirt and phuck her senseless in the back bedroom late at night. ‘Cept ma may have a few choice words on the matter.


Session (GFE/PSE Fun Factor): 2
Sadly, this is where the girl tanks. No introductory peck on the cheek did I warrant coming or going. A less than stellar session at half time. Started out well enough but due to serious leg lock this put an absolute damper on expectations. Playtime was cluttered with her overtly restrictive actions,,,,, and her “wife’y” complaints seriously deflated the moment,,,,not to mention Lil’Head. Later trudged out the door with that mushrooming hairball in the pit of my stomach over the monetary distress,,,,you know the feeling.


Facilities: 7
Conveniently located around the corner from a subway stop. 2nd floor abode over a store off a very, very busy street with plenty of gawkers lurking about. If you are the shy type,,,,expect an audience or abort the mission. For the rest of us swinging dicks,,, the next obstacle to overcome is the dreaded staircase. My advice: DO NOT under ANY circumstances negotiate this structure with a blood alcohol level exceeding .00001. And for gawd’s sake watch that first step when exiting. One misplaced foot and your next ill-spent rendezvous is with a body cast in the intensive care unit at Toronto General. However, once safely tucked inside upstairs,,,, the “Man Cave” is relatively spacious, clean with adequate romping space for those who like to chase their MPA around the table. The bath facilities are tiny, tired and claustrophobic. Barely enough room to lower your zipper let alone room for two; ie, yourself and a Lil’Head. Nevertheless; all fixtures sparkle like a new penny.


Losses:
Door fee: $25.00 + NR: $60.00 + Tip: $0.00 + TTC Tokens: $4.50 = $89.50. A welcomed and competitively priced door fee but given my “shut-out” frustration with the Reverse,,,, and delay on the subway; the latter two were WAY OVER PRICED!!! HHmmppff!


Repeat:
None forthcoming in this lifetime or the next.


Closing Arguments:
To recap:
1) lips --------------------------------------- OFF LIMITS!

2) nipples --------------------------------- NO NIPPLE SUCTIONING THESE SUCCULENT SUCKLETS,,,DON’T EVEN BREATH ON THOSE BUDS IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!!

3) breasts --------------------------------- NO FONDLING, NO GROPING. SALIVATING PERMITTED FROM A DISTANCE OF 20 PACES

4) the girly unmentionables -------------- EASIER TO BREAK INTO THE DON JAIL THEN CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THESE DELICACIES!!!

Not a butt man myself, so what else is left? Well,,,,,if you have a fetish for massaging elbows and kneecaps, she’s your girl.

Admittedly,,,,,,another wretched TOFTT plane wreck unfolded……GGGGRRRRRRRRR!!!! In essence, a “Yawn” session with a lady offering pleasantries on the surface but no real substance beneath; ie, intensity, chemistry, lust, etc. I’m an endorphin junkie who needs that injection of “sensual excess”. It just did not happen. Gotta have my gfe/pse flavour fix or Lil’Head gets real grumpy next morning. Anyone care to toss out suggestions on proven passionate type MPAs ?

To be polite about this ---- Nice enough chick but do not spend the $$$ for a NR. Do not recommend anything above topless on this one. Hmmmm,,,,lets do one better,,,get yourself a bucket of chicken, a brewski, a porno and stay in. Buy a lottery ticket with the leftover cash. You will have better odds.


Gentlemen, it’s the kid’s inheritance. Be careful out there!

Good day and good farmin’

This has to be the most entertaining and well written review/experiences I’ve ever seen, well done LOL!


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