Lying Neighbour

[Winston]

A judge asked a defendant to please stand. "You are
charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out in
the audience a man shouted, "Lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!",
the judge shouted back to the man. He turned to the defendant and
said, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"Tightwad!", blurted the man again. "Quiet!", yelled the judge who
continued, "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an
electric drill." "Son of a..." the man started to shout when the judge
thundered back, "If you don't tell me reason for your outbursts right
now, I will hold in contempt!" So the man answered, "I've lived next
to that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool
when I needed to borrow one!"