Material Safety Data Sheet of a woman

[alpu5]

INFORMATION BULLETIN

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMAN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS


Element: Woman
Symbol: WO
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 120lb but known to vary from 100lb to 300lb
Occurance: Copius quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface usually covered with a painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states from virgin to common ore

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning
4. Insolable in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports car
2. Can be a great aid in relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a superior specimen

HAZARDS
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with another