Penthouse Spa - scary

[Valerie X Account #22!]

In some odd, misguided thought that Alana (ex-HFH, BP) might actually be there - coupled with the typical relentless horniness - I stopped by this place. 561 Bloor, I think, SE corner of Bathurst and Bloor.

The horror begins the moment you walk in. Place is an utter pigsty, and the only two women there when I went were obese, nasty-looking black chicks. I'm OK with black women in general (Stacy at IT, for example, is wonderful), but the only heads these two are turning would be on people straining to avoid feeling ill.

Nonetheless - and this is clearly 'cause I'm an idiot - I go with the somewhat less vile of the two. I really am a moron.

We settle into the room, and I'm closing my eyes and letting her personality, which is at least semi-sweet, take over. Her touch isn't awful, and I'm thinking there's a chance I might actually be able to get an erection later if I close my eyes.

OK, here's where my idiocy and horniness compete head-to-head for dominance. She asks what kind of session I want; topless, nude, NR.

Have I mentioned I'm an idiot?

For unknown reasons, I ask if the NR can just be a BS - I'm feeling really lazy. And her tits are big enough to be of some use, and again I'm thinking I can close my eyes (despite the cruel brightness of the lights).

She actually asks for the money upfront - something I would never do, but - have I mentioned the extreme idiocy involved?

I actually pay while I'm naked and oiled up - I won't say the rates, but it's MORE than a 30-min BS at a good spa. Now I loathe conflict, so I just fucking pay the creature and pray for deliverance.

For the next five minutes, she essentially does a nude massage - she doesn't get on the table, and in retrospect it may be because the legs wouldn't have supported the tonnage. I'm groping around near where her ass should lead to her pussy, but there's no forcing anything through that mass of flesh.

I finally get my mind to a place where I can release, and she quickly wipes up the resulting mess and dresses to leave. I run out like the place is on fire.

I've had to let some time pass now before I was strong enough to write this for your collected benefit - my disgust with myself is still overwhelming.

I also spent some time reflecting on what I'd prefer to do instead of repeating there. Actually sticking a needle in my eye or a nail through my hand seemed, upon reflection, to be too long-lasting. But I finally settled on something reasonable: I'd rather eat a bowl of gravel than repeat at Penthouse. Not a large bowl - maybe like half a cup. And I'd prefer something that had at least been rinsed, if possible.

 

[CourtneyJo]

one time a long time ago i went to an escort for an incall... when she opened the door she was actually missing some teeth...i didnt go in, i almost ran away and she knew exactly why, but my point is it is safe to leave after you see the disgusting creatures that lie within.
thanks for taking one for the team, but no team member would ever ask you to do something like that...at least you can laugh at it....but i have to say i feel disgusting after reading that!!
searching through the flab....LOL

 

[Bob G]

Either be honest and say, "you were not what I was expecting" and leave..... or say "I left my wallet in the car, be right back" and haul ass! If you made an appointment and she shows up at your door, you might consider giving her $20 to pay the driver, unless its a B&S.....

 

[Not So Ordinary Girl]

HOLD ON ONE SECOND!

I went to penthouse earlier in the week and while I was one large woman there (she was a manager I think), there were at least 4 VERY sexy attendants there. (I posted about this place earlier in the week.)

So while ugliness was not the problem, mileage definitely was. As in, no mileage included in the room fee, not even a decent massage. I didn't have enough money with me for any extras, and the prices quoted were too high (sorry I don't remember how much).

$35 for a backrub? Come on! This place is enough to turn me off MPs altogether.

 

[Pompal 09.]

PS funny post, Kracker.

How much $ did ask for for the gravel thing, that's pretty kinky...

 

[sweetsinger]

Great review, Kracker. I won't laugh at you. I'll laugh with you. Unfortunately, I have been the victim of my own horniess on more than one occasion. Happily, there are many fine memories to recall and only a few unfortunate episodes.

 

[cumu2me4fun]

Was there a while back. Pretty scary place. Nikki/Alana aint looking so good these days. Barely recognized her.

kkarn/

 

[RipCity]

Yeah, I think that's why I went there. Without the search function, I couldn't really do proper research, but I kinda had this idea in the back of my head that someone had written something decent about the place.

I think I was expecting a level around Santa Clara - not entirely disgusting, with a few gems every now and then.

Who knows - maybe a hit an off day. A REALLY off day.

 

[kingers1988]

Kracker,

Great review. We should have a "defence fund" to reimburse people after they go through one of these truly horrible experiences. LOL.

 

[skanda or lord muruga]

Now that was a hilarious review!! Tonnage!!?? When I read that I spit out the coffee I was drinking!!

Sorry about the scary session. I too had thoughts of going there but the location isn't very discrete. Add that to the fact that the mileage sucks, and that being on the second floor I'd be scared of the floor giving in, I'll forget Penthouse Spa.

Tonnage!!?? LOL LOL LOL LOL

 

[joewillgo]

LOL you poor thing.

it was probably my earlier lily-review that gave you the hope of attractive women at this place. Personally, I did find my attendent (lily) to be a VERY attractive flipino - and her prices were quite reasonable everything considered (80 for bs + $30 for 45mins). But she was most definitely not gfe and was sort of strange.

And if you had a session with the black mama-san then I can certainly understand where the TONNAGE factor came in.

Next time.... Just RUN.

 

[??p??pl? p??????]

I was wondering if anyone was going to get that.

You're fucking sick.

 

[Sappho]

man, what kinda fix is she looking for these day?
Kracker, I feel for ya. Sorry but can't help to laff.

 

[Henry H]

Sorry bout your bad experience. Been there twice to see Nikki, and had quite the opposite experience both times. Good rates and exceptional mileage. The last time I went, there were two other hotties working as well, Lily and Tina, I think. Dont know about their quality, but they looked good. Best to call ahead, methinks.

 

[thathingg]

rightsaidfredd: what were the rates and session like with the new NIkki (former Alana) ?

Kkarn: what was diferent about nikki because i wanted to take a visit of the place.

 

[ape2016]

What the hell are you talking about?!!? I've been seeing Nikki/Alana for a year and a half and she still looks great. I wouldn't call the place scary. Granted, it's not as ritzy looking as BP and it's not the most discreet location, but for downtown you can do far worse.

 

[livewire9]

yah but i heard the rates are much higher then other MP