Please read it all before answering. Is it normal for a guy to snoop thru a

[Joe S]

girlfriends chat/email/text msgs? My girlfriend posted this question earlier but didn't post all the details. I snoop through her email and text messages but there is good reason. She has gone to visit 2 of her ex boyfriends since we have lived together on more than one occasion.
But one previous boyfriend (Jerry) lives right next door to her sister. He is well off financially and was her live in (these are her words) "sugar daddy" for over a year. She went to “visit her sister†and her and her whole family went to visit Jerry too.
The other ex boyfriend (James) she had lived with for quite a while too. This guy used to cheat on her, put her down and made her self esteem very low. He once wrote her an email while she was with me telling her how horrible she looked in her facebook photo. I called him out about that but he never responded. She has lied to me on several occasions when I confronted her about seeing them. She told me “no he was not there†but I knew for a fact differently. She is now best buddies with this James’s girlfriend Robin and says she is going there to see her. (Which of course means he is there at least some of the time.) This new girlfriend took her out one night for a girls night out with Robin (and get this) James’ s ex wife . Is this starting to sound like a recipe for disaster? I told her she should not go it sounded like trouble. It turned out just like I thought. Robin got into a fight with the ex wife and the law was called and people arrested.
She told me she was going to spend the night at her best friend’s house. When she did she ended up having sex with her best friend and her husband (she is bi). We have talked about this and she says it was just a “one time thing†but how can I believe that?
Her Mom and Stepfather (both of whom have never held steady jobs and never been self sufficient) decided to move here to Florida. They have often begged her and her sister for money to keep the lights on or buy groceries.... yet they always seem to have money to buy their smokeydope to get high with.
Because I would not let them stay here to freeload off of me she had told someone in a chat log that she was considering moving them in to her previous sugar daddy's house but that she would have to live there too. Basically she was going to prostitute herself so her freeloading parents could have a place to stay.
She tells me I need to trust her. I keep trying. But it seems about the time I start trusting her again then she lies (whether by omission or outright) and my trust is broken. She erases chat logs now and deletes browsing history. She says because she “wants her privacy†I probably wouldn’t care at all if I could trust what she has to say. She gets angry with me because I don’t trust her. But it’s hard to do when you have been lied to so many times. I have on occasion falsely accused her because I didn’t know if she was telling the truth.
Don’t get me wrong. She is a very sweet woman and has had some horrible things happen in her past that cause her to do some of the things she does. I take these things into consideration. I stay with her because I love her dearly despite her faults. I have many faults too and she accepts those in me. Trust is very important to me.
Now before you answer this question I don’t want “pat answers†Like “If you don’t trust her you should leave†That’s not going to happen I am just looking for more or less a yes or no answer with a small explanation why. Here is the question.
Taking the above background taken into consideration, the lies, sneaking, cheating tell me would you think it’s such a bad thing for me to check her cell phone text histry, email chat logs and text messages. ???
Answers will be deleted if it's obvious you didn't read the whole story.

 

[Wanderer]

Although she appears not to be trustworthy it is still not right to look through her emails/texts. Those are private to her. As individuals we have a right to our own thoughts/views/privacy.
I think you'd relax a lot more if you didn't snoop.
You say you are in love with her and won't leave. Knowing what she's like then, you are basically accepting that sort of bad behaviour and she'll continue to be like that because that is her. Accept it or not but stop snooping

 

[Jen]

You're looking for a straight 'yes' or 'no' but i honestly don't think you can apply that to this situation.

Yes i think it's a bad thing you're checking her stuff. But honestly i'd do the same in your situation. But that doesn't make it right.

You say trust is very important to you but if you trusted her you wouldn't be doing what you are. And she isn't going to trust you, no matter what she's done, if she finds out what you're upto.

Best thing is just to sit and talk about everything, have a big clear out conversation and get all your worries out in the open. It does no good to bottle everything up.