Review:Carmen @ HFH aka Another Thrilla In Vaughanilla

[bob-chan]

Damn You All To Hell Entertainment in association with Reviewicus Enterprises is proud to present Carmen vs Golfdude- Another Thrilla In Vaughanilla.

Jim Lampley: Larry I understand Golfdude has taken this fight very seriously and has changed his pre-fight routine for this bout.

Larry Merchant: That's right Jim. I spoke to Scurochiaro his trainer and he told me that Golfdude was master of his domain for 3 days prior to this fight.

Jim Lampley: 3 days? That's it?!

Larry Merchant: When you consider he hasn't missed a day spanking it since he got his first boner, 3 days is a drastic change.

Jim Lampley: Fair enough. Let's go down to ringside for the announcements.

Michael Buffer: In this corner, standing about 5'4" with brown hair, shapely posterior and nice natural assets, CARMEN! And in the other darkened corner, with the permanent deer in the headlight look and Tony Soprano physique, golfdude.

Let's get ready to RRRRUUUUMMMBBBBLLEEE!!!

The Early Rounds

Jim Lampley: Carmen has started out being the aggressor in this contest. She is working the body pretty aggressively while pinning him down to the table and is mixing in some sneak attacks from behind as well. Golfdude seems content to just lay there and take it.

The middle rounds

Jim Lampley: Golfdude has become the aggressor in this bout now and is working the body quite well. He is probing all over, looking for and seemingly finding her weak spot on the front side and Carmen seems to be enjoying it, she is not trying to muster any sort of defense, though she is occasionally countering with some probing of her own.

The Final Rounds

Jim Lampley: After going toe to toe through the early and middle rounds, Carmen and Golfdude are now going head to toe, trading shots blow for blow, each has zeroed in on their opponents weak spot, and it is just a matter of time before this is over. Golfdude seems to be weakening now, he doesn't seem to have much resistance left, I think this may be it....DOWN GOES GOLFDUDE!

Post fight interview

Larry Merchant: You put up a pretty good fight today but she seemed to wear you down over time. Was there anything she did that surprised you?

Golfdude: Well Larry the sneak attacks from behind surprised me, but I just went with the flow of how this fight was going.

Larry Merchant: You countered with some sneak attacks of your own, and she didn't seem surprised or try to stop them.

Golfdude: That's right Larry. I used a lot of the weapons in my arsenal and she withstood them all.

Larry Merchant: I noticed your trainer Scurochiaro was giving you a lot of water in between rounds and instead of spitting it out you were swallowing it all.

Golfdude: That wasn't water Larry, that was Armagnac, and it is best not to waste a drop.

Larry Merchant: Will you be fighting Carmen again?

Golfdude:Carmen is an all natural fighter with no artificial enhancements and that is something I appreciate. This was one of the better first time fights with an opponent I have had and you can bet your ass I will!

www.handsfromheaven.ca

a $50 admission fee was charged for this 45 minute contest with a $125 purse being awarded to the victor.

 

[No longer waiting!]

Normally I find you and your kind inaccurate in everything you do and say, but I will say that your people are passionate despite having shit for brains. However this time Makavelli you're dead on the mark. This is one angry review artist!

 

[Starkissed]

Classic pic of Larry boozin' it up.

http://www.bigdickhunter.net/fpimg/gallery_merchant.jpg

 

[Killua]

The basic info is that Carmen is 5'4" brown hair, has a nice ass, teases well, gives a decent massage and GD enjoyed himself and would repeat.

I like to see reviews so I don't really care about the format.

 

[Woody.]

Nice review GDude !!!

Well, this is my P2K entry, what a waste. In fact, for my 2K entry I had decided to do about a half dozen reviews on Body&Soul, that didn't work out since they closed so I decided to change the venue to Blue Pearl. I was half way through writing them up and thinking about contributing back to this forum when lo and behold I check out this thread, which I already did so earlier and find this shit. Why do I/we go to the trouble wasting my/our time writing reviews if the feedback I/we get is not worth the effort. Fuckin critics.

Should I be surprised? No, Not really because this shit goes down all the time and yet people complain about the lack of reviews and the fact that there are few reviewers that contribute on a regular basis.

Once again you bite the hand that feeds you.

Let me enlighten you ...

Pure Joker ... it's HFH, please check on the bylaws as last time I looked if we even mention "BS" or "Naked" this place is in trouble. Details are not encouraged in any review of HFH. Besides being a vet you know that PMs account for more info in the MP forum than not. Would you rather get your info from a Newbie or a guy who writes review regularly? Thought so.

Makavelli - Are you going to wait for the second person. If you have nothing nice to say then don't say it.

PS. for a guy that quotes "The Prince" in his signature it's spelt "Machiavelli".

TTD - Well it seems that you chose this thread instead of the other for your remark, btw like the signature. Don't know what you have against GD don't really care to know nor do I care about your mainly bitter posts since after you first started here. You did start off on the right foot and your path afterwards has been down a road that few care to go, not because they want to but because it is harder to tread other paths and feel better about it inside that out. You have to look into the meaning of that. Maybe "Maka" can help you derive the secret given that he is into his prose.

TRT - Nice Pic !!!


Remember some of us guys give more than take from this board and we really don't have to contribute at all and can sponge off of the other members. The fact that we don't do that and have to put up with this crap say more than any words that you can muster up.

Since I like boxing I will render a decision ... my 6 reviews on BP which do have some very useful information won't get published.

VBB

 

[MamaMcAllister]

Nah I think he spelled it right I think this guy is a hip hop fan and is referring to the alter ego/other name that Tupac recorded under.

Either that or it's all part of his master plan.

Guess he's just hatin' on a playa.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Anybody who has been on massageplanet.net since 2002 and has the reading skills of a child would know that what can be said as far as details in a HFH review is very limited. This format is a way to provide details without being explicit about it. There are a lot of details in this review, Frank was able to understand just fine what was being said. Here's a helpful link for you to improve your reading skills:

http://www.headsprout.com/

If you stick with this reading program I have every confidence that someday reading the collected works of Curious George will finally make sense to you.

 

[Juanito Ice]

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I have to admit that this review pales in comparison to the creative masterpiece you posted here:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=113270

You know you're having a bad day when suicide prevention puts you on hold. Yeah that's an original thought, and not lame at all.

Here is a logical question to ask you: If you know I have been posting lame stuff for ages, why do you keep reading this lame stuff over and over? Only a real fucking moron would repeatedly do something that he does not like. But then again look who I am talking to.

I think I know the source of your hostility and repeated attacks of various members on here:
http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=109011
You must be really stressed out worrying about your cue ball, and people wouldn't fear Mr. clean would they, so you lash out at others.

Though you have adopted a Machiavellian persona and approach on massageplanet.net your true nature slipped out in this post here:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=111091

To funny. A guy who has a quote about being feared whining about carpet indentations. I guess you would call that Queer eye for the Machiavellian guy.

You apparently understand the importance of contributing reviews to a review board based on this post here:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1269661#post1269661

Yet you attack someone trying to contribute reviews to a review board. Instead of attacking someone who has contributed 70 reviews to the board, you could have encouraged somebody posting their first review in the traditional style that you prefer:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=118364

Yet you chose to attack me instead, which speaks volumes about you.

But talking out of both sides of your mouth is nothing new to you. Here you post defending Alpha Care:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1016866#post1016866

And here you trash Alpha Care:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1268444#post1268444

Nothing like having an opinion and sticking with it.

Here you chime in to trash a guy for being in love with a stripper:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1200839#post1200839

And yet you declare your love for an mpa:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1254635#post1254635

Your not a hypocrite at all.

If you don't like my reviews here is a simple idea that even you can understand: DON'T FUCKING READ THEM. Nobody is forcing you to, so why are you?

One last thing, I am about to shave my ass, I will save the hair so you can glue it to your head.

 

[Bobby Digital]

Ah my massageplanet.net stalker the shit thief, nice to see you following me from thread to thread. I guess things must be slow in the terd game right now.

I am flattered that you consider me important enough to quote me in your signature, to bad you didn't put the whole quote:

IT'S CLOWNS LIKE YOU WHO MAKE ME WONDER WHY I EVEN BOTHER DOING REVIEWS, IN FACT I THINK I WILL JUST STOP ALLTOGETHER TO FREE UP MORE BANDWIDTH FOR YOU TO WASTE. CAUSE WHAT THE MASSAGE SECTION REALLY NEEDS INSTEAD OF REVIEWS IS ANOTHER THREAD ABOUT MPA NICKNAMES. I guess your shit stained hands smudged your screen so that you couldn't post the whole quote.

When you read the ENTIRE quote anybody with basic reading comprehension skills can understand that the quote is meant to be ironic not a declaration.
Here is a link to help you better understand the concept of irony:

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=ironic

and another link that will help with your reading comprehension:

http://www.headsprout.com/

If the phrase I THINK were not in that passage then it would be me saying I am stopping doing reviews and your smart ass comment here would be valid:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1264776#post1264776

But you chose to edit my words to suit your purpose, stalking me from thread to thread.

Later on in that thread that you have selective memory of, I posted my real intentions:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1123187#post1123187

I will repeat what I said to you in that post since we have established your reading skills are not what they should be: DON'T READ MY REVIEWS if you don't like them. Nobody is forcing you to read them, and you have stated you don't like them, SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU?

I don't hold a grudge for you Terd Bandito, and to prove it I am heading to the toilet to pound out a steaming monster just for you to steal.

 

[Candace]

Actually 1st Q has been crazy successful in the terd game. I have hired a full staff and therefore I have all this free time. It really is the leisure society.



In the words of Marvin Gaye..."You're all, I need, in this world...to get by"


The rest of all this is sooooo desperate

 

[1993]

I honestly get kind of sad when I see things degenerate so badly

Whether some member like golfdude or not, he's a regular contributor to the board, and puts lots of time and effort into his reviews. His style is unique and as rusty always says:

"If you don't like what I have to say, put me on ignore. That's what it's there for."

GD:

I learned a LONG time ago not everybody was going to like me. I know it gets frustrating but honestly, just let them rant. If they're like this on massageplanet.net, just think how MUCH FUN MPA'S have dealing with them.

Then they wonder why girls are restrictive and standoffish...

Oh SORRY, forgot... it's coz MPA's have bad attitudes...

On a more positive note, I was graciously PM'd and it looks like we have more Indian talent out there!

Mya @ bodybliss

http://www.bodyblissmassage.ca/

Mr. Heston is only thankful bank accounts no longer exist on the Planet of the Apes, and that MPA's don't work for bananas.

 

[Sasha]

Another super review.

I'm sorry to see that you are getting crucified for doing a creative review.
BTW, am i the quoted 2nd buddy or the honor goes to TLm. LOL.

 

[mr_j526]

GDude,

I note that you have taken a page out of the Search & Destroy handbook. My hats off to you on your research methods.



That would depend ... does FC or IL count ?

I believe that you are the 2nd with me being the 1st, FC and IL are neutral and if TLM decides to post then he would be the 3rd. I feel that the reviews that we posted on the MPAs of Allure have banded us together like the Four Musketeers or Amigo's if GDude had anything to say about it.


VBB

 

[zoe]

I am humbled by the deapth and breath of your knowledge of posts on massageplanet.net. The post putting machivelli in his place was by far, one of the best posts I have seen on massageplanet.net.

Oh, and BTY, I agree with every word you said about Carmen. She is one of my favorites.

 

[Brandie C]

I enjoyed the review. Nice job, Golfdude.

 

[Erik L]

I'll be the 3rd quoted buddy then. Sorry for joining in so late. I was totally enjoying myself in Paris right now (no, not the MPA) until I read this thread. My beloved Gooners will need some support for tomorrow.

It's truly pathetic when a fellow massageplanet.netite who contributes regularly gets slammed just because he tries to add some flavour to his work. I write my share of reviews and I can honestly say that they are time consuming, yet I choose to do them for the benefit of others since we are all in this together. There should be encouragement towards each other rather than it being the other way around.




My thoughts exactly and well said, IL.

I will never understand why some people are so negative here. I have enough stress in my life and this board is sort of a get-away from it all. I guess for some, it's a great place to vent out their frustrations day in and day out.

Thanks for another fine contribution, G-Dude. I expect the "Thrilla In Vaughanilla" episodes to continue longer than the Rocky series.

 

[MagicFlakes]

GD:

Champ, I'm still here in your corner. Keep in mind that you can never please everyone. There are however many of us who appreciate your posts - some of us visibly, others more silently. I would advise you to keep reviewing and using your signature style.

...and remember to say as they do in Little Italy, "Che cazzo se ne frega!"

BTW, "you could have been a contender!"

 

[Pompal 09.]

Since no one here fears or likes you in the least that about says it all. You really should understand what you read. Comprehension is what separates the readers from the intellectuals.



I have Barca down for it my friend, but you did call the final. May the better team win and may it be a match worth watching. Henry will receive a heros welcome no matter the outcome.

VBB

 

[Pompal 09.]

What is truly pathetic hypocritical cue ball is your response to me. I have brought to light your words and their contradictions, and you have nothing to defend them with.

Here you state to an Sp what is done on massageplanet.net:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1269661#post1269661

"we just write reviews because we're paying for it and THIS IS A REVIEW BOARD". Those are your words, yet when I did just that, wrote a review on a review board, you attacked me for it. You can't really defend your actions in this REVIEW based on your words about writing reviews on a review board, can you?

Here you state that going to Alpha Care is a positive thing:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1016866#post1016866

And then here you post that going to Alpha Care is a negative thing:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1268444#post1268444

So which is it cue ball? Is Alpha Care a place that gets a bad rap and there are some good times to be had there. Or are there sheep running wild there and one should go elsewhere to enjoy a nice spa? As far as I am concerned any reviews you have posted have zero credibility as down the road you may post the complete opposite.

Here you join in with some of the others bashing a member for posting his feelings about a dancer:

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1200839#post1200839

And then you do just what the guy that posted about the dancer did and posted you are in love with an mpa (poor Mya):

http://massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1254635#post1254635

Let's see, somebody who repeatedly says one thing and then turns around and says the complete opposite would be.... A HYPOCRITE.

So with no way to defend yourself, you resort to posting AN ABSOLUTE LIE.

You have really crossed the line cue ball by posting a lie. Stop staring at my hair and drooling and pay attention to what I am about to tell you because you have lost your bet:

I HAVE NEVER WALKED INTO A MP AND DECLARED I AM FROM massageplanet.net GIVE ME WHAT I WANT AND I WILL WRITE A GOOD REVIEW. I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYONE I HAVE SEEN THAT I AM FROM massageplanet.net AT THE START OF A SESSION. I HAVE NEVER BOOKED UNDER MY massageplanet.net HANDLE. I HAVE NEVER GIVEN MY massageplanet.net HANDLE TO AN MP DURING A SESSION. I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANY SPA OWNER OR MANAGER THAT I AM FROM massageplanet.net . ON THE RARE OCCASIONS THAT massageplanet.net MAY COME UP DURING A SESSION I DENY ANY KNOWLEDGE OF massageplanet.net AND
CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

Some of the places I have done reviews at are on massageplanet.net here and hopefully some of them will wonder into this thread and they can verify that I have never done what you have falsely accused me of.

What is very sad is that you have to resort to posting lies because lies is all you have.

Instead of giving you the hair off my ass I think it is more appropriate that I shave off my pubic hair and give it to you, for you are truly a dick head, and my pubes glued to your cue ball is the perfect match.

 

[sevenwndrs]

Ah poor Poop Pirate, just like your buddy cue ball when the facts are brought to light you have nothing you can say, all you can muster up is this is sooooo desperate. Well done !