Sardarji Jokes Part 5 (No Offense)

[evilattorney]

Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta Singh stood beside the bed, Santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta Singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta Singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket.

Days later, at the funeral, Banta Singh was visiting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure
there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "Oye Banthe, Saale ...You're standing on my oxygen tube!

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec," says the rep. Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

EMPLOYMENT- Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, and ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected": He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes

A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"

What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes!!

What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?
(He already has one and he wants one more.) He takes a photocopy of the white paper!!!

Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were
Planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh.we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! We’ll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA?????"

Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARS," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

FILL IN CAPITAL

One great day in Bombay, a couple was on a honeymoon tour. They saw one Sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly "aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho." Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. The couple as per schedule took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form. So once again young couple curiously asked "Aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho" Sardarji once again replied I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form." The couple said but Sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form, how come you’re in Delhi? Sardarji cooly replied "Aare ye form mein leekha hey ke FILL IN CAPITAL."

SARDAR DIES OF BRAIN TUMOUR

There’s a funeral procession of a Sardar going on a busy street. All the Sardars in the `mayyat` are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle` is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?”Comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli bar ek sardar "brain" tumour se mara hai!!!"

SARDAR THIEF

Banta Singh was shifting his residence. He was packing his belongings. By midnight he was too tired and dozed off with the house door open. A sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables. Banta Singh found it very amusing; the thief was doing the job for him! "When this smart guy finishes packing, I will catch him". Banta was a hefty guy; so when the burglar finished packing, Banta Singh jumped on him and tied him up. Then he went to the police station and reported the matter. "What did you do to the thief"? "I tied his hands; you come and collect him". "I hope you tied his legs too". Banta Singh felt a cold feeling in his spine; he had forgotten about the legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered up and said,” Inspector Sab, the thief, he will still be there". "How do you know"? "Well, that fellow is also a Sardarji".