Survival Guide for taking a POO at work

[hoxffuxa]

Sorry had to post it!!

Survival Guide for taking a POO at work:


We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
in our seats and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as
we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOO is inevitable. For
those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for
taking a poo at work.

CROP DUSTING--When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't
know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until
the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the
smell has left your pants

FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in
and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave
and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People
may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It isuncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK. When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER. A colleague who poos at work and is proud of
it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with
a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the
office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) A group of co-workers who band
together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This
group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet
Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.


SAFE HAVENS. A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR. Someone who does not realize that you are in the cubicle
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE. A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.

WATERMELON. A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

 

[sodapop40]

MC so so funny matey!
the toilet where i work is right by the bosses office...need i say more, many a day i have to flush flush flush whilst i push push push, for fear of the guff, guff, guff, eeee smell that will eminate from the opened door that twil then whisk its weary way right into the office next door to be met by the bosses nostrils, so embarrasing and how my diet has been sorely adapted to try and lesse the need to poopy at work..xx[&o]

 

[DrummerAdam]

MC, What would we do without you?!!

Lesley