The Penis Wants a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1โโโ I do physical labor.
2.โโ- I work at great depths.
3.โโ- I plunge head first into everything I do.
4.โโ- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5.โโโI work in a damp environment.
6. โโ-I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7.โโ- I work in high temperatures.
8. โโ-My work exposes me to diseases.
Reply: Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:
1. โโYou do not work 8 hours straight.
2. โโYou WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
3. โโYou do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. โโYou do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. โโYou do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. โโYou leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. โโYou donโt always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. โโYou will retire LONG before you are 65.
9. โโYou are unable to work double shifts.
10. โโYou sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. โโAnd if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely, The Management
Five reasons not to be a penis:
1. โโYouโre bald your whole life.
2. โโYou have a hole in your head.
3. โโYour neighbors are nuts.
4. โโThe guy behind you is an ass hole andโฆ
5. โโEvery time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.
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