Hi tarzan!!!! I think I finally found out why I haven't met anyone new.
The other day, I was over at a**hole's place, (yes, I'm still seeing him once in a while... His minutes are numbered though. I swear!!!) He wasn't home yet... When,... what do you know???..... There it was!!!!... His diary!!!.... just laying there... tempting me..............
SOOOOOOOoooo...... The good girl that I was.... Totally respecting other people's privacy.... Of course, did not look at it!!! Sure, I was curious to read what was in it, but nope... I did not look. Instead, I made some hot chocolate, put some cookies on a plate, totally ignoring a**hole's diary, made myself comfortable, and patiently waited, (like the good girl that I was), for my "Prison Break" show to begin. Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door. I figured it must be a**hole coming home from work (yeah, right.... I wish!! More like he just finished hanging out with his friends, ran out of money, so decided to come home.) so I went to open the door. To my surprise.... guess who it was!!!! It was this big, gigantic, 7 foot tall, blue, furry,... Cookie Monster!!! He just pushed right past me, stopped, turned around, looked at me, pushed right pass me again, shut the door, grabbed me by my wrist, pulled me back to where I was sitting earlier, and said, "MMMmmmmmmmm..... COOKIES!!!" And he stuffed his face with all the cookies on the plate, making a huge mess, leaving cookie crumbs everywhere... And he drank the hot chocolate too. Then, he said to me, "I want a bed-time story." and opened a**hole's diary, pushed my face down on it, and make me read the whole entire diary to him. Page by page. Sentence by sentence. The whole thing!!!
"I swear, Mr. Judge!!!" (Me licking the cookie crumbs from the corner of my mouth) "That's what happened!!! Otherwise, I would NEVER read a**hole's diary!! I have TOTAL RESPECT for other people's privacy you know!!!"
So anyways, that's how I think I finally found out why I haven't met anybody else. And why I've tried breaking things off with him so many times and haven't been successful. His diary was actually more like a prayer book. It had the date on the top, and every entry started with, "Dear God...." And honestly, to my surprise, in his last paragraph to every entry, he always wrote, "And thank you God, for giving me Leah. She is the best girlfriend I ever had. I love her so much. Thank you for giving her to me. Please don't ever let her leave me. And don't let her find anyone better. Because if she does, I know she'd leave me. Thank you."
I just went
!!!! That's really sweet..... But... WHAT AN A**HOLE!!!!!!!!!! No wonder I haven't found anyone else!!!! He prays like, 5 times a day, and probably, he always says the same prayer!!! Me??? I pray probably once a week. And it always goes like this... "Hi God. I hope you can hear me. I don't want to be with a**hole anymore. Please give me someone better so I can leave his a**. I don't want to be with him anymore. He's so mean to mee. Heee alwaaaaaaayyyyysss... zzzzzzzzzzzz" And I fall asleep. No wonder God hasn't listened to my prayers!!! He's listening to a**hole's!!! That's why!!!!! Oh well. What to do now????