How long should you wait until introducing your children to a new

[Vicki]

boyfriend/girlfriend? Ok here is my situation.... My husband and I have 3 very young children (4 years old, 5 1/2 year old and a soon to be 7 year old).

My husband and I separated about 1 1/2 months ago. The last time my kids saw there father was the beginning of April seeing that he has worked far from home. At that time my husband and I were not separated and he was still living with us but (as mentioned above) we have separated since then.

He just arrived back in town two nights ago and the plans were for him to take the kids out for the afternoon yesterday and next week he was to take them for a few days camping to spend some much needed time with them.

Well this is what happen yesterday... I was informed by my 7 year old daughter that my husband had a "friend" with him. The kids picked up on the fact that there was something strange going on. My daughter claims that they kissed in front of them in which my husband denies and that he said I love you to his "friend" on the phone just before they picked her up - that he never denied.

Him and I have already talked before about if we happened to be involved with anyone else that we would keep it from the children until quite awhile until we were certain the relationship was a long-term lasting relationship. He even mentioned to me that if he was ever involved with anyone else they would never meet the children and I had said to him that that would be ridicules if the relationship became so serious that they decided to move in together....

What really has me upset is that the last time our kids have seen there father was when we were still together. I have been trying to explain to them as best and lightly as I could that their father and I are no longer together and he is no longer living with us anymore when he comes to town. They are having a very difficult time understanding this all due to there age and knowing that last time they saw daddy he was with mommy.

When I spoke to my husband about this I tried to express my concerns about the children meeting a person that he just became involved with so shortly after our separation. Now he can't see what is wrong with it.... even after I told him that my daughter was crying about it because I was crying about it and this confused the children even more.

I asked him if she is going to be there next week when he takes the kids camping and YES!!! he plans on having her there with them!!!! Am I wrong here but is this absolutely wrong what he is doing?

These children need to first totalling understand that mommy and daddy are no longer together and he needs to spend some much needed quality time with just him and his children before anyone else is introduced! Am I wrong here?

I tried to tell him that it is no bodies business, including mine, what he does in his own time. If he wants to be with another woman that is his own business and I am ok with that but I am NOT ok with this woman being there with him and my children at such a confusing time for them! Especially sleeping in the same trailer as them!

I told him that I don't think that is apropriate, that I don't want them to be around her at such an early time and for him to come and get the kids only when he has his priorities in proper order.

Am I wrong here? I just don't want my children getting attached to a person that could be gone the next time they see their father and I don't want them to get the wrong message about relationships.

I hope I can get a variety of responses from a variety of people. I am especially looking for other men's thoughts about this and how they would handle this situation if they were in my husbands shoes.

Sorry so long!

 

[Christina]

i am dating a single father with a kid and i try my best to put myself in his shoes and in the kid's shoes. i think they should introduce u to the kids about the 3rd month but if they have not asked to introduced u by the 6th month, then it prob means they dont want anything serious with u. however if i was in ur shoes, i say u r right to feel that he is rushing a new person in to the childrens lives because thats not enough time for the kids to emotionally process what is going on between mom and dad and this new person (esp. if they r young). i think u should try to talk to him again and if it doesnt go well again then u should file for full custody. i dont think he knows how to be a good father because if he did, he would understand his kids' best interests and not his or his new gf.