Mongering and SOs

[Ellaine Louise]

Hahahahaha - the answer is #2 - begrudgingly. She has actually said all of the above - but only recently has come to understand that my heart and my dick are two separate entities. I love her very much - but there is some shit from her past that I have had to put up that has been above and beyond, and that is the reason she is presently away. This is all a part of working it out. I think our arrangement is assume, but don't ask and don't tell, which is fine by me.

 

[Magnus]

I'm in the same situation, but didn't and don't feel any guilt. I like variety, and this hobby is an easy, hassle free way to get it.

 

[Red Dragon]

Your SO really has an open-minded "mature" view of this hobby. Some might suspect that she either (1) understands the difference between sex and love as a former provider herself or (2) just really knows that you're a great guy with a strong sex drive (who's an alpha male that deserves the company of other pretty girls and other pretty girls deserve the pleasure of your mad skills in the sack). My wife falls under #2, although perhaps I am wishfully projecting some of the alpha male stuff on myself....

Have you already discussed whether she wants to know what you do/did or just don't-ask-don't-tell?

 

[David P]

I do it because my wife hasn't fulfilled her promises. As the provider in my home, I should have a lady in the street and a dirty bad girl in my bed. So I give these providers my best 2 minutes I can.

 

[Quite Alright]

Yeah, things really worked out. We won't be in separate cities for more than a few months, but she's understood my need to play around for some time. She's not into it, mind you, but she did say that as long as I was discreet she would take this opportunity to look the other way. Mongering is actually preferable to her as it keeps the strings unattached. I am going to accept this blessing humbly and wholeheartedly.

 

[Dizz]

Wow what serendipity. In just 3 days you're wondering about it and BAM she's in another city. It's too bad you didn't ask for guidance on how to win the lottery. You'd be a rich man and probably drowning in pussy right now.

 

[ziggyman]

Interestingly enough, circumstances have recently forced me and the SO to live in separate cities, with the understanding that a certain degree of playing around is permissible as long as it is discreet and not discussed. So gents, I am for the time being back in the game and guilt free about it. I shall be reporting my escapades as they happen. Thank you guys for your feedback with everything.

 

[blueeyed girl]

Sorry that's no thrill for me. In fact, it would be my worst nightmare

 

[d.e]

Archer, there are as many perspectives as there are mongers, but I wanted to share my perspective to this oft discussed issue because we have some similarities. I once had a beautiful girl at home who also had an indiscretion relatively early in our relationship. In our case, we never fought over it because I actually understood why it happened and it had nothing to do with our relationship or her desire for another man. I had hobbied somewhat before we met but stopped when we started dating and ultimately restarted after ~18 months of dating. We are now happily married, love each other completely, and I am also very comfortable in my hobbying.

The reason the mental image of swingers as two naked flabby 60 year olds is that it takes many people 40 years to shed all of the religious grief regarding monogamy that's been beaten into us for the first 18 years of our lives. There is no magic answer to your feelings of guilt as the issue is not as simple as choosing to accept or deny any social view of P4P hobbying. I'm guessing you're in your 20s or early 30s so I'll state that living without guilt comes with age/maturity where you become comfortable with yourself as a (hopefully good) person. Sex was, is and always will be one of the most universally pleasurable things an adult can do so finding an enjoyable sex life is a good thing for your mental well-being. Hopefully it still involves your SO (unlike many guys on this board) either with or without extra outside action.

The beauty of the P4P world is a no string attached relationship where, hopefully but not necessarily, you like and respect your hourly companion, but your love and focus is completely at home (as is hers for that matter). If your secret ever does come out - and regardless of what guilt you feel, it should never come from you - then do you really think it will help her feel any better that you went to other girls and only got (1) naked body rubs, (2) naked body rubs and HE, (3) only got a CBJ, (4) only got BBBJ but CFS, (5) only got BBBJ, BBFS, but not anal, etc? I think most women will feel betrayed at #1 so the question of hobbying or not really comes down to you, not her. If your relationship is meant to be, she will be in a position to understand your lifestyle choice just as, it seems, that you came to grips with her indiscretion.

IMHO, your real problem is straying with female acquaintances as these situations are fraught with real emotional/relationship betrayal unlike P4P sex. I know that my wife would be infinitely more devastated if I had a real affair versus if I went to Germany to tour all of the FKKs and had sex with 40 different 21 year old women in one week.

 

[packerfan]

That's what I do for now. The singles scene can be tiring and I don't have the patience every night. Often it's just easier to meet up with a beautiful girl for a safe night of fun, no strings attached.

 

[Bob Bone]

She's tough - it took me dozens of calls before I finally got in, though it's worth it. I suspect it's because she wants to avoid 'no-shows'. Your best bet is to give her a ring when you're near her address (54th/Lexington). If she asks when you'd like to make an appointment, tell her you're available right now (or in 15 minutes) and assure her that you're close by. She'll ask you where you heard about her - just name any of a number of these sites or BP. Good luck!

 

[zerojohnnyx]

Hahahahahaha - hear, hear! Maybe I just need to chill out.

 

[Wet Pants]

I hear you. I've spent most of today trying to figure out if I should embrace full-on mongering again, or allow last night to be a blip and move on. It's tough - there are women on this board who I would very much like to see, but the idea of being a routine cheater almost literally makes me sick to my stomach. But then on the other hand, I don't want anymore occasional drunken misadventures either. That can lead to serious trouble. Getting drunk allows one to do what they otherwise wouldn't, and maybe its time to just acknowledge that hooking up with attractive women (money exchange or not) is just something that I like to do. Maybe regular therapeutic massages with attractive providers is the solution for me after all.

 

[al?zy?o??]

I am not proud of my mongering, and do tend to feel full of guilt at times. I have a SO at home, but she is not a very sexual person and my drive is very high. I have succombed to the pleasure of mongering, but I won't do FS. Stick to HR and the occasional BJ, but won't let myself cross the line to FS because I know I won't be able to turn back once I go that far. You get such a thrill during, especially with the risk of being caught (raids, etc), and then when you come down from it all the guilt sets in. Part of me tries to rationalize that it is not cheating because it is just mechanical "release", I am not falling in love...but the rest of me knows it is wrong, just have a hard time stopping myself! OK, confessional done for the day, how can I get moved up on Tallulah's long waiting list?

 

[Young Guy]

Sure, the temptation is strong and it is hard to resist regardless of the nature of our sex lives at home. And cheating is like shooting hard booze - gets easier as you keep going, yadda yadda.

But how does one live with it?

I have a beautiful girl at home. We have certainly had our share of problems. I was quite faithful for a long period. I lately have strayed on occasion, with a couple of female acquaintances, and most recently last night through hobbying (a drunken temptation which I have reported elsewhere on this board). I had originally planned to pursue massages minus the HE as a continuation of my activities I report here, but have lately considered being open to things going as far as HR and CBJ, as some of my more recent posts suggest. After last night, I have to contend with the fact that I have already crossed that boundary.

Here's the thing - I was very faithful for the first year + of our relationship. Early on (as I was to find out) she had an indiscretion. The weird thing is, after all the drama and back and forth she and I have been through over that, I am no longer angry at her - yet I am eager to prowl. Not all the time, just on occasion. She is certainly not cool with this, I have fought this inclination, but that is where things stand as of now.

I know that some of you out there routinely stray and are comfortable with yourselves, and that others of you struggle. And still others don't fool around (hobby or otherwise) unless single. I remembered this thread and wanted to share my thoughts. I wonder if this could be a sticky in a broader section, as this is something many of us contend with.

 

[tutuy2004]

Damn this is so true. The temptation is a killer.

 

[jandy - Spanks the Yanks]

In one of my out of town destinations I see a stripper who is very GFE. It is what gets her turned on. I have her cell, have been to her house and have driven her to her various jobs. We do what we do because it is mutual fun and it is strictly NSA. She has two male roommates I am sure she is screwing plus a boyfriend. She is just a female with a male libido. She knew I was married and planned to stay that way before we started any fun and games. I knew she was a stripper and happily play with her co-workers while she is doing a lap dance with a customer.

 

[Dffdf]

that is one of the best things about the hobby. No strings attached. No phone calls, seeing the other woman in social circles, that you get when you have an affair with a random girl. This is what it is. no strings attached companionship. Now if you fall in love with the provider you have way more problems than getting caught by your so. Thats why I try to mix up which providers I see. If a provider is a good gfe, it can become hard to distinguish between a working relationship, and a real life relationship. I would think this does become an issue for some guys. Especially if you are enjoying the entire experiance, talking, cuddling and everything else. The lines get blurred if your not careful.

 

[GanjaReviewer]

Oh no you didn't!!

Sorry Johnny boy x3. What you wrote may seem rational to some but it has zero credibility cuz you're not hitched. It's sorta like the prison guard trying to school the convicts on why they shouldn't be committing crimes .

 

[jalmumfn]

JJJ, not sure how I would feel. But if they ever found out about our activities, it would devastate most of our wives. Plain and simple.

Regardless of our sex lives at home (like country boy, I also have a healthy sex life with my wife, but even the guys whose wives hold out), most of us still love our wives as people/partners/lovers and our lives together and don't want to jeopardize that. However, the lure of different and strange pussy is too strong... in another thread I mentioned how I'm still struggling with the guilt factor but yea. We all know its wrong but it's tough to resist once you've gotten into it